Soundtrack: “Viva Voce” – The Rocketboys
“Can you hear me now?
Can you hear me now?
I’m singing out as loud as I know how
But am I loud enough?
I got my voice
And you got yours
So let’s make a little noise
All together now”
Alright, this is how this works: adjust your headphones, music blasting in your ears, the sweet sound of the Rocketboys. I hope you like it, if not, pick something you like.
Good? Ok! Now maybe grab some coffee or tea, sit back, somewhere comfortable, take a deep breath.
Are you ready? So am I!
I have been postponing this for a while now, questioning whether I should do it or not? For as long as I can remember, I’ve always loved writing. In school, creative essays were my favorite. One summer, as a kid I even started writing a novel. It was probably pretty awful, but I loved doing it! As I grew up, I wrote mostly letters,, letters to my best friend, my family, people I loved, people who hurt me… I poured my heart and soul into those letters, sometimes even bringing tears to the people who read them (emotional tears not tears of pain… I am not a monster).
Every now and again, in times of heartbreaks, when my heart was so full I could not sleep, I would write letters in my head to put my feelings into words, and when this wasn’t enough to clear my thoughts, I wrote them down for real, exorcising all the pain I felt in the moment. Love letters, friendship letters, breakup letters, gift letters, goodbye letters. I wrote fictive letters, relating made up stories to imaginary friends, trying to imagine how I would translate certain feelings and emotions into words, if one of those scenarios were to ever come true. Letters for everything…
But this is different, isn’t it? Letters are private, shared with only trusted loved ones. This, on the other hand, is very public, for everyone to see.
People told me I should write more, that I was good at it, but as I said, all I ever wrote were letters. So what should I write about. I always thought my life was too dull and ordinary to talk about. Who would ever want to read the story of a 26 year old girl, so far from having life figured out and struggling to find her way? But then again, I must not be the only one, right? And my story, as ordinary as it is, might just be what people my age would relate to.
Honest story telling, I imagine, is hard and painful at times. Opening your mind and heart to strangers, telling them about your deepest feelings and inviting them to be a part of it all. Isn’t that terrifying? Will they relate? Will they judge? Will they be bored or get angry?
I am scared of the judgement of strangers of course, but most of all, I am terrified of what the people that know me might think. I hope they, you, won’t judge me to harshly or look at me differently, I hope you won’t resent me if I ever talk about things here that I did not tell you in person.
Will I have the courage to talk about my most personal dreams, fears or regrets? Share my heartaches and love stories? I guess, as someone once told me, we won’t know until we know. But I’d like to believe that in life, sometimes, you have to take risks, do things outside of your comfort zone and that terrify you. Like opening you heart to the whole world and see what comes out of it. So this, here, is my attempt at trying something new.
I don’t have a clear plan laid out for this blog (as you might have figured out already by the name of it), or a precise picture of where I want it to go and lead me. All I know is that I wanted to do this for months; maybe years, and it’s finally time. I promise to always write with honesty, and I hope you can promise in return to read with kindness and go on your way if you don’t like what you see.
There is a quote I like that says “The World Belongs To Those Who Dare“, so here goes nothing…
This is my open heart letter to you. Are your ready? So am I. Buckle up! I hope you enjoy the ride!